I Love You..

Gud nite love...

Haven't seen seen you in a while..
How are you? You know my prayers are always with you..
Lots of things happened with me and I'm sure you have lots of thing going on in your life too..
Hope they're all good things..

Haven't dreamed you in a while..
Wonder if I have finally get over you..
But I'm still the same person, you know, deep inside..
Same old, same old..

Been thinking a lot lately..
Thinking about if we meet again..
One day, I know, we'll cross paths again..
Wonder what it would feel like..

I don't know what I'm going to say, that day, or act, for that matter..
Maybe we'll just keep walking ignoring each other..
Maybe we'll smile at each other..

Wonder if you would talk to me..
Or I would have the courage to strike up a conversation..
Wonder what we're going to talk about..

Maybe about nothing, or the weather..
Nothing serious..
Or maybe, just maybe, we'll talk about our times together..
Or how we feel about each other after all the things that happened between us..

What would you say? What will I say?
Wonder if I'll have the courage to say these;

I loved you, I'm still in love with you..
No matter how hard I tried to get rid of you from my mind, I never succeed..

I love you.. Though we broke up n parted ways in tears and shouts, I love you..
I yelled at you, I know, because I was too afraid of losing you..
I cried, I know, because it always hurts to much when you lose someone you cherish the most in your heart..

And it doesn't matter now who's right and who's wrong..
Because, in the end, I love you..
And it was me who drove you away, and it was me who failed to protect your love for me..

I love you dear, I always do..
I pray for your happiness all the time..
I hope for all the best the world can offer you..

I love you, even if you found someone new, someone you truly love for the rest of your life..
Even if you're happy without me..

I'm crying now, knowing that you would be happy without me..
Knowing that I could never be the one to bring you those happiness..
But I'm also crying now because; I want you to be happy..
It doesn't matter who or when or what, as long as you're happy..

I want to say more, I really do..
But I think those above have to suffice for now..
Because it will take me forever to tell you how I feel about you..

And after all said, I really want to hear your response..
But I know I wouldn't be strong enough to hear your words..

That's way I wrote them here..
Let God be the only one who knows..
The real me, my true heart..
I love you..
Gud night love..

C H O I C E S..

tho' its hard to make choices, this life is all about choices..
2 learn 2 really appreciate our own choices is sumthin' we ought 2 do..
but sometimes we just don't know where 2 start..

tho' it was a horrible mistake I have done, tho' there's no turning back, I still believe that I can change this so-called fate..
I'm trying my best 2 pick myself up..2 gather all my strength..2 fix this..

tho' in the end I know, that everything depends on that special sum1..
that person n the choices she will make..

how that person will define her own happiness..will it be with me or with sum1 else..
will we walk that path 2 the future 2gether, or go on our separate ways..

I know one thing 4 sure..
tho' that person might find that she's regretting one or two things..or everything..
I don't have any regrets 4 d times we spent 2gether..
all the things I've said n dun..all the right things..all the bad things..
everything led me closer 2 that person..
we r indeed humans..
we r born 2 make mistakes..
n if that mistakes will take her away from me..than I'll ask nothing, nothing but 4giveness..
n let God b my witness, that I never mean her harm..

this feeling is true..honest..pure..

but in d end..nothing I say or do wil matter..
b'coz that person is d one holding all d decisions..
it is that person choice now..

n anything u decide from now on..I will learn 2 welcome it..
in my heart..

this is me, standing at ur door..
why am I here?
it's cold out here..
it's dark n lonely..
all I know is, I've been standing here 4 a long time..
waiting 4 sum1 2 open d door..
n perhaps u will notice me..
n open d door 4 me..
n maybe with ur kindness..u will let me inside..
in 2 d blazing light of ur warm lovely heart..

yes, I have been waiting 4 u 4 a long time..
n I am still waiting..
n 4 d days yet 2 come, I will still b waiting here..

this is me, standing at ur door..

M E M O R I E S..

I'm sitting here trying 2 remember..how u used 2 sleep on my chest..
how ur face was so calm n peaceful when u were asleep..
when ur face was so close 2 mine n I can felt u breathing, I used 2 smile n stroke ur beautiful hair..
it was something I couldn't describe with words..how it made me feel so alive n peaceful..
how d feeling of happiness was too much 4 my heart I could not breathe..


then I would kiss u on ur forehead, n ur eyes, n ur cheek, then ur chin..
so gentle I didn't want 2 wake u up..
then my desires got d best of me n I would steal a kiss..on ur lips..
just 2 feel ur sweet perfect God-given lips..

those were d best times in my life..
n when u woke up, took a deep breath, n our eyes met..
u smiled at me..just smiled..
we didn't need any words 4 our feelings 4 each other..

then we kissed..
ur kiss was so warm..
d taste of it went thru my veins..
my whole body shivered..
n I wouldn't let go of ur lips..

wrapped my hands around u..
held u so tight..but it felt like it wasn't tight enough..
it felt like u would slip thru' my fingers..


after a while I finally let ur lips go..
then I would look at ur face n said those three words..
I Love U..
those three words I've said so many times..
but it felt like I haven't said enough..


those were d times..
those were our memories..
n those memories will stay in my heart 4ever..


even now when I wake up in d mornin'..
I would look 2 my side..
u're there..smillin' back at me..
holding my hands..so gentle..so warm..it's lovely..

but then ur image fades away..
n I realize..
that was just my mind playing tricks on me..
that was just ur image..
that was just my memory..
our memories..


but I keep on hoping..
d next mornin I wake up..
u will b next 2 me..d real u..
wish I could hold u in my arms again..

S A V E M E...

what is this feeling I'm having..
it hurts so much..

I'm missing something in my life..
or is it my heart?

I remember all the things we've done..
all the things we've shared..
n it hurts just by thinking..

my mind is telling me to forget them..
that u hurt me too many times..
that u r not the one for me..
n it hurts..

my heart..is not telling me anything..
but its making me remember everything about u..
that maybe deep down..
I miss u..
n it hurts..

I know that time will heal me..
I will get over u..
perhaps..

we've been through a lot..
maybe too much..

n it's ur face..
I keep seeing..
ur voice..
I keep hearing..
n it hurts..

when will this ends?
when will I have the courage to walk with my head high?
when will this pain gone?

I'm not myself..
I'm no one..

but I know I have to keep going..
since u r no longer by my side..

although it hurts..
God please give me strength..
to carry on..
to forget u..
all about u..

it hurts..
n I don't want to feel this anymore..

save me..

F A R E W E L L...

I'm still sitting here when d days just gone bye..
trying to get up on my feet..
trying to say that I'm okay..

still don't understand what I've done to push u away..
but it's alright..
I don't understand how I feel just yet..
I won't push too hard..

I'm starting to see daylight again..
d wind blows on my face..
n it feels so good..

I'm breathing..I'm walking..I'm living..

n tomorrow I know..It's gonna be better..

It's not ur fault..
n I really feel it's not mine..
so I decided to end this right here..
when I still have a little conscious left in me..

like they say; u can't have everything..
when u make choices..there will always be losses..

u chose to be free..
then u will never have me..
'coz I'm standing here..
but I'm looking at a different way..

don't say it's fate..
it's all u..
n in d end, it's all me..
guess it was never us..

farewell..

Day One

After a long while I finally realized that I can’t say things properly when it comes down to it…

Really, such a coward I am…

And here I sit with hundreds, thousands words I wanna say out loud…

Why is it hard to just come out with it??

I believe that most of us, people, are having this problem…

See, the people I cared about just walked away from me b’coz I’m too timid…

What a fool I am…

So with this blog I hope, even if it’s just wishful thinking, that my feelings can reach those whom I lost…

Maybe with this I can have some sort of redemption…

And even if these words couldn’t reach them, at least I have shared my deepest thoughts with you, with the world…

This is me being honest…

This is me striped from all my lies…

And the story starts with my pain…

When I was left behind, all alone…